A Piece of Bronze Being Bent into a Bow

Last month I wrote about standing at the gateways. I didn’t know which ones would open.

One did.

June has been like diving into the deep end. New experiences arriving faster than I can process them. Feeling small. Wanting to shrink back. Trying anyway, while afraid. Fumbling through explanations and watching people understand them. Poorly worded ideas landing somewhere real. Seeing the impact of simply showing up.

A colleague told me he felt I fit right in. Another said no one would doubt why they hired me after watching me in action. Someone else said she’d never worked with anyone who could follow the slides so naturally while she led. I have had to force myself to believe every word.

I facilitated the SDG Game. I led sections of a sustainability workshop. I co-facilitated with Jakub at the teaching and learning meeting. I joined Gwen in the Innovation for Sustainability module. Next week I step into a creativity module with my colleagues at the NICE summer school.

So much is happening. And yet the honest truth is – I have been scared the whole time.

I have panicked. I have exhaled in relief and panicked again. I have prepared and held my breath and been surprised. I have understood new systems, seen my university differently, and carried so much hope for what I can become as I grow and find my footing.

I don’t feel like I am enough. But I am trying.

During my first time shadowing an in person session, a student came up to me and spent the whole morning talking with me. She told me how much I would enjoy my time at the Innovation Academy. How the course and the people had changed her life. She had no idea it was my first time in that room. She had no idea how much I needed to hear it.

I knew, in that moment, that God had sent her.

I am trusting God. Forcing myself to hang on every word of encouragement that cuts through the panic and the fear. I am here because He wants me to be. And that has to be enough when nothing else feels certain.

Underneath all of it, something quieter is happening too. I am learning to take the raw skills I have – presenting, speaking, connecting with a room – and bend them into something different. Facilitation. Activity design. Holding space. Not performing. Creating the conditions for others to perform.

I have always believed that the best speakers first need to know how to listen. Facilitation is teaching me how to listen in a way I never have before. These two skills complement each other beautifully and I am grateful for the chance to grow in both at once.

I am no longer at the gateway. I am walking towards the destination. Stumbling. Learning. Anticipating the moment I look back and see how far I have come. Knowing that it was God who brought me here.

A piece of bronze being bent into a bow.